拿老板幵涮(2)----給阿麗莎貢獻一個段子


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送交者: 西岭居主 于 January 17, 2001 14:22:43:

拿老板幵涮(2)----給阿麗莎貢獻一個段子



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送交者: 西岭居主 于 January 13, 2001 17:11:22:

拿老板幵涮(2)


-- 西岭居主 --

我總喜歡反其道而為之,不是要說中美文化差异嘛?我倒想表現
一下中美文化的共同點,這件事是我的真實經歷,當然你盡可以
夸張地表演一下,用一個人的TALK SHOW形式最好。你表演的時
候錄下來吧,肯定能得大獎,:-)

場景還是我工作過的一家大銀行,老板是個五十多歲的猶太人,
具有紐約這個大都市中,世界著名大公司上等PROFESSIONAL的自
豪感,但又堅守表面上的POLITICAL CORRECTNESS。

我剛上班時,就為著裝鬧了個大笑話。我第一天穿全套西裝來上班,
老板說:“Business casual is OK.” 我第二天改穿Blue jean,
white sneaker,cotton shirt。老板對我嘆了一口气:“We got
to talk”---the worst 4 words in English。我下班時趁老板不
注意溜了,溜出去買衣服了。


老板有點小愛好,就是中午吃飯時要向他匯報工作,不匯報時要
聽他吹牛,還要陪笑,一頓飯都吃不舒服。他不吹牛的時候就順
便挖挖我的隱私,當他了解到這是我到美國后的第一份工作后,
有點惊訝,似乎我應該先到一家 LESS FAMOUS的公司工作,而不是先
到他這里,他立刻給了我一件很難的活兒,其目地是不是為了把我赶
走不太好說。但實際上這根本難不倒我,而且我對他引以為驕傲的
PROJECT根本就不放在眼里,衹不過出于禮貌不說出來,但心里對他
的態度著實惱火,伺机報复。

机會說來就來了,這天中午時分,我好不容易花了半天時間,才
把老板編的寶貝程序InSight安裝成功,老板叫我同去吃午飯。

“OK let's go。” I said, “I have a good story for you
today。”

“Great!” he replied, my boss loves to hear funny stories
in lunch hour.

當我們坐在餐桌上時,我幵始講我的故事。

“You know I am from Beijing, the capital of China. The
Beijingers are famous for their social courtesy and politeness。
About 100 years ago, it was in Qing Dynasty,when people
got up every morning and met each other, they usually
spent half a hour to exhange greetings...”

“Half a hour?! That is incredable!”一個瘦的衹剩兩扇排骨
的女同事惊叫起來。“How come?” My boss asked with extrame
seriousness: “How could they spend half a hour to exchange
greetings?”

我一看他那副比愛因斯坦還認真的樣子,都有點不忍心了,強忍住笑
說:“Well, they didn't have to get to Metro Tech Center
every morning by 9 'o clock, they had a lot of time to kill。”

我接著侃:“The topical conversation started like this: 'How
are doing today, Steve?'” Steve 是老板的名字,他眉毛一揚,點頭
微笑,表示理解。

“What would you reply?”我問道,不等他回答,立刻說:“You would
say I am doing great, right?” 老板接著點頭。

我看老板進了圈套,暗暗得意:“Then you would be asked: 'How is
your grand father?'” 老板略顯疑惑地看著我,保持著禮貌的微笑。

我一口气說了下去:“And the next question would be 'How is your grand mother?
...Oh, sorry to hear that! How is you father? ...he is good? How is your
mother? ...Nice to hear that! How is your father in law? ...Really, how is
you mother in law? ...How is you wife?...How is your children?... '”

老板臉上已經換上了略含嘲諷的冷笑,我對此再熟悉不過了,我剛到美國時在
recruiters,房東等人的臉上不知看見過多少次了。我不動聲色地繼續說:“Well,
I thought that good-old-day like this had been passed long before, but
until this morning, I knew I was wrong.”

老板瞪大了眼睛瞧著我,我冷冷地迎視著他的眼睛:“I found our
installation program for InSight has the exactly same behavior。”

旁邊的几位同事愣了一下,哄堂大笑。同組的一位老美哥們笑得打鬲,連連
說:“I know what do you mean. When you install InSight, you would
be asked:'Do you want to install it into this computer? What is your
first name, What is your middle name? What is your last name? What is
your gender? What is your home phone number? etc etc...”

當然他也夸張了一點,但我确實用了整整一個上午才把InSight安裝到我的PC上。
老板沒再說什么,不可抑制地跟著我們笑了半天。


========================================================
PS:
下面一篇文章的最后一部份,是基于同一背景的。

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